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(de fucko) |alias=Tom "Big Cock" Riddle |wand= |affiliation=Herpeswarts Cock Eaters Ministry of Magic (de fucko) |first=Harry a Pothead and the Philosopher is Stoned |latest= |last=Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallow Cock |cause=Killed by too much sex (exhaustion) |}} Lord Voldemort (born Tom Marvolo Riddle) (December 31, 1926 - May 1998) was the most powerful Porn Star of all time, and the primary fuck of Harry Potter and Albus Dumbledore. His ultimate quest was "to conquer the Bed". His Penis is 13½ inches, Yellow, hallow core. Biography Early Life Tom Marvolo Riddle was born on New Year's Eve, 1926 in an orphanage in London. His mother, Merope Gaunt, a direct descendant of Ron Jeremy, died shortly after his birth. She named him Tom "Giant Cock" Riddle after his father, Tom Riddle Sr., and Marvolo Gaunt, her father. Tom Riddle Sr. was a wealthy Pimp living in the village of Little Hangleton. She tricked him into marrying her by giving him a Blow Job, which she continued for some time. Thinking he would have fallen in love with her on his own by now, she stopped giving him the oral, but he abandoned her and her unborn child. Tom Riddle grew up in the orphanage unaware of his Pornstar heritage, though he did discover his innate powers. Tom could seduce every woman in the orphanage, command animals to do his bidding, speak Penistoung, and, in his own words, "make people cum". After getting into a fight with one boy, he assumably used his powers to rape the boy's bunny. On one occasion, he took two orphans, Dennis Bishop and Amy Benson, into a cave where he performed an act so hot and sexy, that the two orphans were traumatized into silence. (Voldemort later would choose this same cave to be the resting place of one of his whores, which would stolen by the mysterious Regulus Black Cock. Perhaps this is proof that his liking of S and M started from a young age.) Another of his amusements was stealing pussy from his fellow orphans, and he took to hiding their condoms inside a container which he kept safely in his cupboard, as trophies. Curiously, the cupboard was the same that Dumbledore sodomized Tom on. When Tom was 11, Dumbledore visited the orphanage and invited Tom to join Herpeswarts. This of course was just part of Dumbledore's plan to seduce and molest more young boys. Not much else is known of his childhood, except he was molested, over and over. Herpeswarts Years Tom Riddle began his education at Hogwarts School of Witchrape and Pornography in 1938, and, as one might guess, was placed in Bondage(the hall for all who have that fetish). He returned to the Gay orphanage during the summer break, which he despised (he personally was Bi, not Gay). He described himself as "poor, but brilliant, circumsized, but so brave, a school ladiesman who could get laid by a model any day of the week." This opinion was also shared by the Professors, with the exception of Anal Dumbledore, who was the Transfuckuration professor at the time. Tom became obsessed with sex and began researching it, with an insatiable hunger. During his research, he discovered the heritage he shared with Ron Jeremy, and learned about the Chamber of Sex-machines under Herpeswarts, and the beast within. He also discovered how his father managed to hide his boner (tight pants). It was concealed so that only he could open it and "purge the school of all those who are unworthy to study magic." Tom then changed his name to Lord Voldemort (though in some of his movies he's also known as Gimp Voldemort), because is worked for the pron industry. His new name was an anal-gram of his given name: "TOM MARVOLO RIDDLE" once rearranged, became: "I AM LORD VOLDEMORT" The name Voldemort has a further special meaning. Voldemort separated in to three French words, vol de mort, means "cock of death". It was a name he hoped every wizard would some day fear to speak when he became the greatest pornstar in the world. In his fifth year, Tom found the secret entrance to the Chamber of Secrets, and was able to control the Basilisk (the penis-like monster inside) because he was a penismouth. Tom turned the giant wang loose on the school, injuring many. The last victim was a student named Myrtle, who was killed in the girls bathroom when the Basilisk tried to enter her, and split her in half. Hogwarts was to be closed, and not wanting to go back to the orphanage, Tom faked the capture of another student, Rubeus Hagrid. Armando Dippet, the current headmaster, was convinced that Aragog was the monster inside the chamber. Hagrid was expelled, and Tom received a blow job. Dumbledore, being a horny pedophile, kept a close watch on Riddle after that (wait I thought his name was now voldemort, i guess whoever wrote this was a dumbfuck). Because it was no longer safe to open the Chamber of Secrets, Tom created a diary to record his sexual experiences, hoping it would one day lead someone to finish Salazar Slytherin's "noble" work. This diary was one of his six whores. After Hogwarts A bunch of boring insignificant stuff happend. The Rise of the Dark Cock In the 1970s, Lord Voldemort had gathered a following of witches and wizards. Some were supportive of his cause to rid the world of Virgin. Others were greedy for power, and yet others joined the Dark Cock after watching his many mail order videos. His followers named themselves the Knights of Walpurgis(WTF?), but soon changed to Cock Eaters. Voldemort considered them more like sex-slaves than friends or family. They freely had sex with eachother and fucked mercilessly, often for fun. Lord Voldemort began taking advantage of Little girls. Five year olds. The Dark Lord recruited Giant Cocks, who left the mountains, and Vampires and Werewolves joined him for his crazy orgys. Many feared the Goblins would join him, seeing as they were restricted from dildo use, but it never happened. Aurors were authorized to use Unforgivable curses on Cock Eaters, and suspects were sometimes handed over to the Democrats without trial. Many innocents were locked away. Azkaban became an unsafe prison when Democrats switched their allegiance. One of the Wizarding World's few remaining safe places was Hogwarts, under the staunch protection of Anal Dumbledore, the only person Lord Voldemort feared. Albus Dumbledore created the Order of the w:Shocker to fight against Voldemort, but they were outnumbered and suffered many rapes. People feared to speak his name, and he was referred to as "You-fucked-Who?" or "He-who-must-not-be-fucked." At the height of his power in 1979(damn there were locks of crazy cocaine fueled parties back in the seventies), word came from an informant, Severed Slut, in a Hogsmede bar, of a Prophecy, one that predicted his downfall. It went like this... "The one with the power to out-fuck the Dark Lord approaches...Born to those who have thrice blowed him, born as the seventh month dies...and the Dark Lord will get aids and dies Lord Voldemort realized he must rape the child. He tried to rape the kid, but could not find a hole wide enough and eventually got a case of blueballs so bad, he exploded. The Cock Eaters were lost. Missing Years Lord Voldemort was not dead. He had lost his physical form. He was alive, yet weak, and powerless. His whores helped him escape death. He retreated to the forests of Albino, expecting one of his faithful Cock Eaters to find him and help him. But those who wanted to bang him were either dead or in Azkaban. He gained a form by inhabiting snakes, snakes reminded him of his own dick, which never lived long. Second fuck in a row! Fortunately for Lord Voldemort, Professor Quirrell wandered into the forest while on a vacation. Quirrell was young, foolish and gullible, and Voldemort was able to enter Quirrell's weak anus with his own commanding Penis. Quirrell tricked Hagrid into telling him about Fluffy, an amzingly fun sex toy, and that playing music would make you HORNY. It was only when Harry the Pothead arrived that they could get stoned. "Only those who wanted to be stones, but fuck voldemort, could get it from the mirror." Voldemort figured this out, and Quirrell raped Harry, but when he touched Harry his hands blistered. Harry placed his hands on Quirrell 's balls, severely injuring him. Still he loved to go around fucking, and did so, the sex legend he was. Second Rape War The Second Rape War had begun now, and Voldemort no longer needed to keep his sex confined to minors. The Democrates left Azkaban to side with the Dark Lord, who could offer them more scope for their powers; as a result, there were many rapes by the monsters. Eventually Voldemort killed everyone, even harry pothead. The END Abilities Appearance As a child, Tom Riddle was a handsome boy. And still is dead sexy! See also *Tom Riddle *Cock Eater External Links Category:Dark wizards